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Sometimes There Just Isn’t A Right Or A Wrong- Just Let Others Be.

July 29, 2011 · 71 comments

in Life

According to the ‘leadership’ of our city, our library is on life support.  We are having one last millage on August 2nd to try to raise funds so the library can stay open.  “Pro” Millage people say the library will close without the additional funding.  “Anti” Millage people say there is plenty of money in the general fund, and that the city is just trying to get more money out of the tax payers.

I have no idea which argument is correct, as there are so many different aspects to each side.  God knows anyone can make the data appear to support their side, so it can be hard to trust all the graphs and charts that are presented. (Which is true much of the time data is used to support an argument.)  All I know is, I am tired of this whole issue as it has been going on for 18 months now, and two millages have been shot down already.  In the end, there are two sides to every story, and there will be exceptions to every rule.

Libraries are not the only things people feel strongly about.  As I have gotten older, I have met more and more people that are steadfast in their opinions on certain topics, and these opinions often cover society as a whole. Many people feel they have the knowledge to decide what is best for the masses based on their experience and knowledge, regardless of the counter-arguments presented.

Take private school for example.  I had NO intention of sending my kids to private school.  However, during the process of raising my kids, it was recommended by many that we pursue private school for various reasons.  After failing to work things out with the principal of the public school our children would have attended, we decided to check out different private schools in our area.  In the end, we found that private school would be the best fit for our child(ren).  Yes, if you measure the financial aspects of private school, it may seem crazy to spend so much, especially when we pay so much for the schools in property taxes.  However, the benefits that our kids have received from the school they attend cannot be quantified like money can be.   I know private school is expensive, and I also know I could retire sooner if I didn’t send my kids to private school.  I also know I could have retired even sooner if I didn’t have kids at all, but fortunately, nobody ever takes the money argument to that level.

Schools and libraries are just the tip of the iceberg.  Just about every point seems to be a point of contention these days, and not just the typical hot buttons like religion and abortion.   What I am trying to say today is this:  if someone else’s actions do not negatively impact you, then maybe it is best to put the judgmental thoughts aside and just move on.  Nobody can ever fully understand another person’s experience, so why bother to get involved and possibly make them feel bad or second-guess a decision they have made?

Have you ever made a decision that was ‘unpopular’ with friends/family/society at large?  If you are comfortable sharing, please do so! (Just to clarify, friends and family were supportive of our choice to send our kids to private school.  Others, not so much…)


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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Niki July 29, 2011 at 1:09 pm

You definitely can’t let someone’s judgement be taken to heart. Even though people think their way is the only right way of doing something, it’s just never true. There are always contending opinions and exceptions.


Kris August 1, 2011 at 10:46 pm

Niki, I do agree with you, but I am not as good at it is you probably are. I get hurt pretty darn easily, and doubts will pop into my head, at least on some things.


First Gen American July 29, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Some people think giving my kids used clothing and going to tag sales to buy toys is inappropriate for someone who should be able to “afford” those things. They think it’s strange that I make good money but choose to take someone else’s discarded stuff.


Kris August 1, 2011 at 10:45 pm

They probably judge you because they don’t want to feel bad for paying full price for things they could easily get cheaper.


101 Centavos July 29, 2011 at 11:13 pm

“mind your own business” … simple good advice, and never heeded by various busybodies, buttinskis and fussbudgets who would pass judgment on your choices and snoop in your closets.


Kris August 1, 2011 at 10:42 pm

I like your wrapup. You said it much more succinctly than I did!


Crystal @ BFS July 29, 2011 at 11:49 pm

I love the the “live and let live” approach. I am sure I’ve made several decisions that other people have judged, but they’ve worked for me. 🙂


Kris August 1, 2011 at 10:41 pm

I have learned to live and let live a lot more as I have gotten older. By the time you are my age, you won’t notice anything going on at all! 🙂 You do have a great attitude though!


Financial Samurai July 30, 2011 at 9:50 am

I guess it’s kinda why I try and keep my own personal decisions private. I console with others for advice, but after that, it’s my own darn decision!


Barb Friedberg July 30, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Are you kidding me? My extended family regularly disagrees with lots of choices we make!! Who cares? No one lives your life but you! But, that’s what makes life interesting! PS With no internet at the temporary place we are living (with the ‘rents), we live at the library!!


Kris August 1, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Do they have pillows at the library? I vote tomorrow regarding our library, it will be interesting to see which way the vote goes.

I keep reminding myself that when it comes to my kids when they are adults, ‘keep your mouth shut’. However, since they are teens, I feel I have all the rights in the world to share my wisdom! 🙂


Heather July 30, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Going into teaching … going vegetarian … cutting my teaching job to part-time in order to open a personal training studio … countless decisions we’ve made about how we plan to manage the soon-to-be child …


Kris August 1, 2011 at 10:39 pm

Heather, get used to all that unsolicited advice regarding the child. Do whatever you think is best and go from there.

Isn’t it funny how people put such value on money that they feel teaching is a bad profession to go into? Who cares that it is one of the most important jobs in the world.

Hope the personal training studio is going great! It is great to follow dreams!


Kaycee August 1, 2011 at 6:19 pm

IF you live in the city I think you do, I don’t get how if the millage fails, the library closes on Friday, the 5th. If the millage passes, the library is safe. How will the millage money miraculously appear by Friday?


Kris August 1, 2011 at 7:20 pm

That is a really good question. See, the people against the millage say the city has the funds, and the money should be used for the library. The pro millage people say the library will close if it fails. My guess is the money would move from the general fund to the library if it passes and maybe the general fund will get replenished as the tax money rolls in. The Mayor Pro Tem says the city can’t use money from the general fund because of the poor economic outlook. Apparently the library must be disposable then.


Jen August 3, 2011 at 4:50 pm

I think we are in the same city. 🙂 I voted yes to fund the library yesterday…looks like I got my wish. You are right about there being no right answer, especially after seeing the two full page ads in the last city newspaper, I was more confused about what to do, as I saw both sides of the argument having merit. What pushed me over to “yes” was that our property taxes have decreased so much in the last few years that we pay much less now than we used to. And that “savings” will more than pay for the library (several times over), so I voted for the tax increase (relatively small compared to the overall decrease in property taxes). This being such a highly touted neighborhood for such great schools and emphasis on education, I couldn’t imagine it not having a public library. I think most people actually want the library; this whole issue seems to have been more of a budget/politics thing. I couldn’t risk the library closing because of a power struggle. Besides, I use the library quite a bit. 🙂


Kris August 3, 2011 at 6:12 pm

I love the library, and it seems kind of pathetic that it was pretty much used like a pawn in a political battle. Our taxes are way less than what I paid when we first moved here. I think you are right though, people wanted the library to stay open,but many that were against the millage felt the city had the money and wanted an excuse to get more cash. For awhile there, the politicians in our town seemed more petulant than grade schoolers on the playground.

Thanks for commenting!


Buck Inspire August 3, 2011 at 12:47 am

Great advice. While we were growing up, everyone thought they knew what was best. Nowadays, everyone has their own life to live. Do the best you can with yours and everything else should take care of itself!


Brian Mark August 6, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Agreed, to an extent. However I also believe that if your perspective has potential to move that individual’s decision in a way that would better their own life, than I believe it is your duty to communicate that idea to them. I do not believe that there is a right and wrong, and I think that once someone makes a decision that you cannot sway the decision they’ve made with the words that you say; however I do believe that you can broaden their perspective on the decision that they have made. As long as that is your genuine intention.


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