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Thoughts For Thursday: Men And Women Really ARE Different

August 5, 2010 · 18 comments

in Thoughts For Thursday

This will not be a long post, but I just had to share something I observed the other day…

I had just gone to lunch with a friend of mine. She and I discussed vacation, our families, upcoming plans, health of relatives and other ‘personal’ things. It was a two-sided conversation, as we each asked the other questions about things going on in the other’s life.

After lunch, I picked up my daughter and I had to take her to grab something to eat. Two men walked in after us and one man was loudly discussing the latest plans for the Detroit Lions. His lunch buddy just stood there silently as he went on and on. They sat near us at lunch and the diatribe about the Lions continued. I then heard two other gentlemen talking the next table over and their discussion was about the dismal state of the Detroit Tigers. I didn’t eavesdrop the entire time, but neither conversation strayed from sports.

I started laughing about this on my way out of the restaurant. Given it was a small sample size, but I just witnessed a huge difference in how men and women tend to interact. For men, it’s about sports (or business, I assume). For women, it seems to be more about life. I know that is not a hard-and-fast rule that men only discuss sports and women only discuss feelings. But I am going to pay closer attention from now on and see if the pattern holds true.

What do you think? Men, do you guys ever sit around and ask about each other’s relatives and children? Women, do you love to sit around and talk about the latest fantasy football league?

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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Sandy L August 5, 2010 at 8:52 am

I think men do talk about their families, but I’m hard pressed to think of an example when a guy talks about his feelings to another guy. If someone’s going through a rough time, they tend to be there for each other..watch football or go out drinking or whatever, but not actually talk about whatever it is that’s wrong.

There are a few guys that are the exception, but for the most part, that is my observation as well.

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Kris August 5, 2010 at 4:44 pm

Sandy – maybe they only talk to bartenders?

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Budgeting in the Fun Stuff August 5, 2010 at 11:46 am

I know guys don’t talk about feelings or issues because my husband can never tell me how his guy friends are doing other than “he’s fine” or “he seems fine”. The guy’s wife just spent an hour telling me that she’s damn sick of him being unemployed and they keep fighting, but all Mr. BFS can get me from the other side is “he’s fine”. Grrrr…

I have sat around talking about fantasy football since Mr. BFS and I have a team, but in general, I talk about EVERYTHING and the guys like to keep it centered on games, sports, work, and food. 🙂

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Kris August 5, 2010 at 4:45 pm

BFS – I get the exact same thing from my husband “oh, I guess things are ok”. I don’t even ask him anymore…

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Money Obedience August 5, 2010 at 2:25 pm

A guy chiming in now. I do have some male friends with whom I talk about life and family. According to my wife, we leave out some very important information sometimes. When she asks me about the personal conversations with my friends, I can remember only a few instances when I could actually answer all her questions. She apparently goes a lot deeper than my friends and I do most of the times. I could tell her details about my friends’ accomplishments in sports, but she does not seem to care about such important things. She barely listens when I try to tell her why I used the 7-iron on my approach shot to the 15th hole during my latest round of golf. How come she does not care? Weird, isn’t it?

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Budgeting in the Fun Stuff August 5, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Hahahaha!

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Kris August 5, 2010 at 4:46 pm

Money Obedience – My questions always go about 7 levels deeper than my husband. I guess I must not mind intruding!

Please, go into detail here regarding your last round of golf. We will all listen. 🙂

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Suba @ Wealth Informatics August 5, 2010 at 3:02 pm

As far as I know my husband doesn’t talk about feelings (initially, not even to me, now it is much better). I think he does talk about family in general, like if I got a new job or something major, but other than that, it is always “we are doing great!”. In my husband’s friends group it is not always about sports, even though it is a great part of the conversation. They talk about travel a lot, then comes charity, politics etc.

I used to talk a lot, about everything to my friends. I never talked much to folks that are not my close friends. But now, somehow I keep thinking if I should say something or not. My husband is a very private person, so if I tell my friends that he did something, is that wrong? I don’t know… For example, I never saw anything wrong in talking about my salary or how I spend money. But now that it is our money and my husband is not comfortable talking about it to his friends, I don’t know if I can… In general, men are much more private than women I think.

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Budgeting in the Fun Stuff August 5, 2010 at 4:41 pm

Mr. BFS has some lines he rather me not cross about our lives, but thankfully not many. I talk as much in “real” life as I do in blogging, so he would have left me by now if it bugged him.

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Kris August 5, 2010 at 4:48 pm

Suba – I forgot to bring up that men will discuss politics too, my mistake. That is not an arena I tend to discuss much, but my husband certainly will.

I don’t know if men are more private or just don’t think to talk about it. I talk about everything (except politics), but I never reveal anything secret. I guess I am an open book. A very boring novel….

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Money Reasons August 5, 2010 at 5:26 pm

I have a few good friends that I grew up with starting way back when I was 10. We briefly talk about family and kids, but mostly act somewhat goofy making corny jokes like we did as kids. So, we kind of regress back to that early time… it’s fun.

With fantasy football men, that’s all we talk about. You see it’s kind of like a verbal game of chess, with real gladiators as chess pieces instead of stone or plastic ones.

I think men (like me) are limit in what we feel emotionally. We are much simpler creatures than women 😉

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Squirrelers August 6, 2010 at 2:23 am

As a guy, I can tell you that my observation is that we talk about our feelings far less than women, but we do share stuff sometimes. Its.just different in how we do it. We might commiserate and give advice, but then we talk about guy stuff and keep it that way most of the time.

Most men have trouble with conversations that go on and on, when feelings, emotions, and the like are discussed. Sleeping with eyes open is a skill most men have.:)

Interestingly, though, most men actually rely on their wives for close conversation. We don’t need as much as you, but we do need some.

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Budgeting in the Fun Stuff August 6, 2010 at 2:03 pm

I think that’s spot on. My husband may be very surface-level with everyone else, but he discusses frustations and emotional stuff with me when he has any. I always seem to have more to share than he does…I think women’s emotional chemicals are messed up all the time…

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Andrew Hallam August 6, 2010 at 9:12 pm

I find it easier to talk to women about “life”. I do have some guy friends I can do this with though, and they’re especially rare and cherished friends.

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Revanche August 8, 2010 at 11:36 pm

PiC and I share skills on this front: He’s REALLY good at having in-depth conversations with some friends when I can’t be bothered and I’m good with others. I’m somewhat nosier with his old school friends but he talks to them more frequently, and he doesn’t pry with my old friends but he’s great at engaging them on a personal/career level.

But let’s be honest, he’s really oddly good at stereotypically girl things (ridiculous levels of attention to cleaning, happy to do dishes and help me cook or shop for me when I boycott shopping) and I’m oddly good at enough dude-type things to have very good, very platonic friendships with fellow dudes.

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The Biz of Life August 9, 2010 at 12:32 pm

Men do talk about kids, their personal life and feelings, just not as easily as women, but they have to get past that rough exterior shell and macho attitudes that they have everything under control in their lives.

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Bucksome Boomer August 9, 2010 at 5:35 pm

I think men are more likely to talk about touchy feely topics with women friends versus other guys.

I can chat about life and sports with both genders! I’m a big football fan and keep up with tennis, baseball and golf.

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Divine and Debt Free August 9, 2010 at 5:42 pm

I think this is such a funny post as it reminded me of the reality show “the t.o show” (TERRELL OWENS). The episode was about how he publicly humiliated one of his teammates years ago and now they are reuniting to do some charity thing. T.O’s two friend who happen to be women think that there will be a big blow up between the two and they go on about how nervous they are about them seeing eachother for the first time.

They finally meet and they treat eachother like nothing EVER HAPPEN and like they just picked up where they left off, not a hard feeling in the air. I KNOW as a woman my emotions would be high, i would want to talk to her about what happen 3 years ago and apologize and see a therapist together before moving forward lol. But men just aren’t like that. I think if it was one characteristic I would take from a man it would be how easy they can let stuff go.

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