web analytics

Learn To Say ‘No’! Your Time Belongs to YOU, Not Anybody Else

May 5, 2010 · 18 comments

in Life

This past weekend was incredibly hectic for us. Of course, it is our own fault.  We have 3 kids, all close in age, and each one has a couple activities.  I have basically turned into the mom I said I would never be.  (“My kids won’t play travel soccer”, “my kids won’t play more than one sport in a season…”)  I will never forget when I was a ‘new’ mom with just young kids at home and a friend of mine said she could not do anything in the spring.  I thought that was insane.  She couldn’t even go out to dinner one time for an entire season?

Now I understand…

Whereas the above example may seem a little extreme, I think my friend had it right.  Sure, she probably did have a few evenings where she could get away for a little while.  But she recognized that her time was precious, and she had learned the art of saying  ‘No’.

Each year of my life, my calendar seems to fill up quicker and quicker.  When I was younger, I tried to do everything anybody else wanted, except myself.  I was exhausted.  But guilt ruled my life back then.  I guess it still does to a degree, but I think I have a little better of a handle on it now.  I have backed away from commitments at school.  I don’t go to every Avon/Pampered Chef/Whatever party that I am invited to.   As much as I want to help others, I realized that for me to be a sane and nice mom/wife/friend/daughter, I needed to be a little selfish sometimes.  I had to remember that my happiness mattered too.  Too many things I have volunteered for started out as small commitments.  However, certain organizations just started asking more and more until I was completely burned out.  It is awful when something you used to take joy out of turns into a tedious task.   That is what can happen when you do not control your commitments.

It isn’t easy to say no.  It is a learned skill, but it is one you may need to acquire in order to save yourself.  I am not saying that when your best friend calls you up after a bad breakup you should say “sorry, too busy” and hang up the phone.  But just as parents learn to choose their battles, people also have to learn to choose when to say ‘no’.  It is unfortunate that for many of us, we have to go through decades of sacrificing ourselves to learn this lesson.

So next time an offer comes up that really doesn’t fit into your schedule, or you just flat out don’t want to do- decline it, and don’t feel bad about it.

If you enjoyed this post, please leave a comment or subscribe to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader. Thanks for visiting!!!

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Budgeting in the Fun Stuff May 5, 2010 at 2:58 pm

This is great advice. I’ve never had a problem saying no when I didn’t want to do something, but I had to be careful to do it in a way that wasn’t construed as mean (I’m pretty honest…sometimes to the point of blunt).

With the friends we have now (the ones that can put up with us), I don’t have to worry about offending anybody. We all value our time and come up with days that work for everyone when we can. Otherwise, we just shoot each other an email to test the waters and don’t have a problem if people are unavailable. It’s fantastic!

I love being an adult and not having to deal with immature drama-addicts in my personal life…well, at least not with our friends (I have some family that tend to that side).


Kris May 5, 2010 at 3:38 pm

@Budget- It sounds like you are in a really good place. As you know, you can choose your friends, but not your family! I have previously been pretty wimpy about saying no. I would feel bad afterward because I am a ‘pleaser’. Now that I am over 40, that ‘pleasing’ gene seems to have faded somewhat. I need it to go into extinction…


Money Reasons May 5, 2010 at 5:34 pm

I usually say “No” first, then cave later. Most of my family and friends know that so they’ll keep badgering me into submission…

It’s a little different now, although I only have 2 kids, they too are in many activities… So time is a limited resource 🙂


Kris May 5, 2010 at 5:40 pm

@Money- I tend to be a caver if someone is persistent, that is for sure. Also, 2 kids is plenty to keep you busy. Although we are outnumbered, we usually find a way to get everything taken care of. But, there is definitely some stress along the way.


Budgeting in the Fun Stuff May 7, 2010 at 10:56 am

Kris, I’m a pleaser too and family is my weak spot. Like you said, you can choose your friends, but family is a different matter altogether!

I get guilt trips from my mom and grandparents so often that I should have a billion frequent flyer miles by now. I cave. I always cave.

This is why I am so happy my friends are different. 🙂


ncc piscine March 29, 2012 at 12:25 pm

whoah this weblog is excellent i like reading your posts. Stay up the good work! You already know, many persons are searching round for this info, you could help them greatly.


local plumber September 1, 2021 at 5:42 am

Great site. Lots of useful information here. I am sending it to some friends ans also sharing in delicious. And obviously, thanks for your effort!


Al Patchin September 1, 2021 at 11:42 pm

My partner and I stumbled over here from a different web page and thought I should check things out. I like what I see so now i am following you. Look forward to looking into your web page repeatedly.


ufc gym crofton September 6, 2021 at 1:56 pm

I must show my appreciation to the writer for rescuing me from this type of setting. Right after searching throughout the the net and coming across thoughts which are not helpful, I figured my life was done. Existing devoid of the strategies to the difficulties you have sorted out all through the website is a crucial case, and those that could have negatively affected my career if I hadn’t discovered your website. Your primary skills and kindness in taking care of everything was important. I am not sure what I would have done if I had not come across such a thing like this. I’m able to at this time look forward to my future. Thanks very much for your impressive and sensible guide. I will not be reluctant to refer your blog post to any individual who needs tips on this matter.


tile floor restoration September 7, 2021 at 10:30 pm

This is really interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your fantastic post. Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks!


construction management business September 11, 2021 at 10:32 pm

Good ? I should definitely pronounce, impressed with your web site. I had no trouble navigating through all the tabs as well as related info ended up being truly simple to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. Reasonably unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or anything, website theme . a tones way for your client to communicate. Excellent task..


employment discrimination attorney September 14, 2021 at 12:01 pm

I am constantly browsing online for tips that can aid me. Thx!


best trial attorney in employment in Berkeley September 15, 2021 at 10:54 am

Today, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a twenty five foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is entirely off topic but I had to share it with someone!


can i sue for pain and suffering without a lawyer in oakland September 17, 2021 at 1:30 pm

hello there and thank you for your info – I have definitely picked up something new from right here. I did however expertise a few technical points using this web site, since I experienced to reload the website lots of times previous to I could get it to load correctly. I had been wondering if your web host is OK? Not that I am complaining, but slow loading instances times will sometimes affect your placement in google and can damage your high quality score if ads and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I’m adding this RSS to my email and could look out for a lot more of your respective fascinating content. Ensure that you update this again very soon..


certified dog trainer school September 18, 2021 at 9:10 am

Wonderful work! That is the type of information that are meant to be shared around the internet. Disgrace on Google for not positioning this publish higher! Come on over and visit my website . Thank you =)


free 4g mobile proxy September 18, 2021 at 10:33 am

A lot of whatever you articulate happens to be astonishingly precise and it makes me ponder why I hadn’t looked at this in this light previously. This particular piece really did turn the light on for me as far as this particular subject goes. But there is just one issue I am not necessarily too comfy with and whilst I make an effort to reconcile that with the central idea of your issue, let me observe just what the rest of your subscribers have to say.Very well done.


solar energy system for home use in india price September 19, 2021 at 3:20 am

Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the images on this blog loading? I’m trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.


Leave a Comment

{ 1 trackback }

Previous post:

Next post: