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All You Need Is Just A Little Patience…Tips For Increasing Your Patience Level

December 7, 2010 · 52 comments

in Misc Tips

So did any of you instantly start thinking of the Guns N Roses song when you saw this title?  I must say I find it difficult to take advice from Axl Rose, and his dancing in that video is just plain awful.

Anyway, I was reading a post over at Len Penzo last week, and I started thinking about myself and my own patience level.  I am one of those Type A individuals.  I can’t stand walking behind slow people, and people being late used to make my blood boil. However, I have found that I have mellowed over the years, and I am not sure why.

When I think about patience, my brain takes me back to a lunch I had with one of my bosses when I was a summer intern at GM.  My boss was explaining to me how he didn’t worry about being late to meetings and such anymore.  Basically, he felt he would get there when he got there and that would be good enough.  I found such a concept shocking.  I would never even consider being late to a meeting.  To  me, being late shows disrespect and it is just something you do not do, no matter what.

Twenty years later, I think I get it…  He was showing patience with himself, and accepting that unexpected circumstances come up sometimes, so no reason to worry about it if you cannot change it.

I used to get so angry waiting at the doctor’s office to be seen.  Being put on hold with the cable company would drive me insane.  Now, I realize I cannot control some situations whatsoever, and I will be called when it is my turn.  Getting frustrated is a waste of energy.  I know I will not die waiting, so I just occupy myself with other things while I wait.  When I am on hold, I will do the dishes.  If sitting at the doctor’s, I will read a magazine.  Don’t get me wrong, I am still not perfect by any means.  I also have no idea why I am more patient than I used to be.  As a matter of fact, I have less spare time in my life now than ever before, so I don’t know how I became more laid-back.  Maybe I grew up and recognized that I do not and cannot control the world?

However, one thing that I think has definitely helped my patience and stress level is planning ahead.  Quite often, I used to find myself rushing around at the last minute and trying to get everything organized at the last minute.  Now, I always look ahead at my calendar to try to optimize the time I have, especially when the schedule is tight.  When things are taken care of ahead of time, you can thing more clearly, and react more appropriately when there is a hiccup in the plans.

Besides planning ahead, here are a few other tips for increasing your patience level:

  1. Do NOT overschedule yourself.  I know it can be hard to say no, but you cannot sacrifice yourself for the sake of others all the time.  Less commitments means more free time, and allows for delays to be handled easily.  There is nothing worse than scheduling things on top of each other.  All it takes is for one task to be delayed by 15 minutes, and then your whole day is ruined.
  2. Be more accepting of mistakes.  We all make mistakes, and they are part of life.  Learn to laugh at a situation instead of resorting to anger.  If you are waiting for your meal in a restaurant and the waitress is new and can’t get your order straight, don’t get impatient and frustrated.  Try to empathize and accept he/she is probably doing the best they can.  If you cut yourself and others some slack, your overall stress level will probably drop dramatically.  I am not saying that if your waiter decides to plop down and talk to the group in the booth next to you that you should just say ‘oh well, I hope he is having a great time over there’.   That deserves frustration!  But, if someone is really trying their hardest, just try and look past the inconvenience it may be causing you and give them a break.
  3. Try to think “will expressing frustration make the situation any better”?   If it won’t, then relax about it.  If you are ever being taken advantage of though, always speak up.  But if pacing and swearing won’t solve the problem, then don’t do it.  (Not sure if this is a lesson in patience or anger management, but they can go hand-in-hand.)
  4. Be realistic about your goals.  Sure you might want that money for a down payment on a house right this minute.  However, you need to really know how long it will really take to save that money.  You need to plan for contingencies, as life is always ready to throw a curveball.  If you get thrown off track for a valid reason, then move on and don’t dwell on it.  Most things in life take time, and being impatient won’t make you have a lot of money any sooner.   If you put a buffer amount of money, time, whatever the measurement is into your plan, you will enjoy the path to your goal much more than if you allow zero room for error.
  5. Think about what triggers your ‘impatience’.  Is it a friend that is always late to lunch?  If so, ask them to please be on time as you have something to do right after lunch.  Is it bad traffic?  Then make sure you leave in plenty of time to get wherever you need to go and bring along a book on tape or something to make the ride more pleasant.  Just identify your ‘sore spots’, and try and think of things you could do to mitigate your feelings of impatience and frustration in those situations.

I know I am a much happier person since I became a little more laid back.  I wish I could bottle exactly what did it for me, but I think it is probably a very individual process.    I wonder though, is this just my own perception that I am more relaxed, and those that know me well think “What is she talking about, she is the most high-strung person I know?”.  Regardless, I feel more inner peace, which counts for something.

Do you have any tips/lessons you would like to share to help those who are very impatient (and don’t want to be)?  Are you more, or less, patient than you used to be?

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{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }

First Gen American December 7, 2010 at 6:26 am

I think people do mellow with age. I’m right there with you with the type A never late personality.

One more I’d add to the list is:
Don’t allow things that are out of your control to upset you.

My first trip to Asia for work, I was 24 hours late because it happened on that day of this big power outage and all the international flights were canceled. Yeah, I missed a big meeting but what was my alternative? Best not to get upset over things I cannot control.

When I was younger, I kind of assumed that the world around me was controlling my life and schedule, when in fact the opposite should be true. You in fact control the environment you live in not the other way around. If work is making you too stressed or angry, you can find another job. If a persistently late friend gets on your nerves, you can schedule things that aren’t time dependent (like I’ll be here all night, show up when you are ready).

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Kris December 7, 2010 at 10:09 pm

Great point First Gen! I do my best to not get upset about things I can’t control. I am getting better at it, but I am far from perfect.

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DIY Investor December 7, 2010 at 7:27 am

I think you naturally become more patient and accepting as you age. I used to silently boil when students habitually walked into my classes late, Now I love it. Now I try to discuss something the first 15 minutes of class that will be an assignment or on the test.
In the business world I came to love the talk about this year’s bonus with those who came late to meetings.
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Kris December 7, 2010 at 10:11 pm

How fun DIY- you were able to take advantage of those being late instead of being angry. That just goes to show there is truth to the comment that it is how you REACT to a situation that important. (Sometimes moreso than the event itself.)

Isn’t power great? :)

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The Biz of Life December 7, 2010 at 8:08 am

Mellow? What’s mellow? As behavioral psychologists say: the only thing you can control is your response to a given situation. I’d also add that the older you get the more focused you become on the things in life that are truly important and the less little annoyances bug you. I have a reputation for being Mr. Laid Back and calm, cool and collected under fire, but it doesn’t necessarily feel that way on the inside. However, in the long run I believe that people will reap the rewards of their actions so the routine annoyances don’t bother me to much anymore. If I have to wait in line or I’m put on hold, I try to fill the gap with some activity from the important and meaningful quadrant, not the unimportant and meaningless quadrant.
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Kris December 7, 2010 at 10:12 pm

Biz – In the past, I would say I almost couldn’t control my reaction to a situation. Or maybe I just didn’t want to, I don’t know. Regardless, you are right. You can choose to be mad, or choose to focus on something else.

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Nicole December 7, 2010 at 8:35 am

In through the nose, out through the mouth.

And always have a back-up plan of something else to be working on.

Man though, that title brought back memories of the first guy I ever had a crush on. He dedicated that song to me on the radio. It didn’t work out though… he started smoking, went and got a girlfriend that he didn’t want to know about me, while still playing me… and so I broke that off before anything started and dated a nice nerd two years older who I dumped during his pre-frosh weekend at Caltech. Poor guy. Happily the nerd is married now to some nice woman he met while out of the country on station in the Marines that he joined because it was the only branch of the armed forces that didn’t make him become an engineer which he hated after 4 years of Caltech. (I still feel guilty about that– he could have graduated from UIUC in 2 years instead. But then he wouldn’t have met his wife, right?) Not sure what that has to do with patience though other than if I’d had too much of it I might still have ended up with guy #1 (probably not though… he went through an enormous string of girls in school… and currently works as a nude photographer after dropping out of countless 2 year colleges and a brief stint in the military). Ah, high school. Can you tell I don’t feel like getting up and going to work just yet?
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Kris December 7, 2010 at 10:15 pm

What, what an interesting life you led! You never know, maybe you would have ended up a nude model? Have you run into first love since? High school reunion?

I am glad the nerd is happy. He is probably a very nice, loyal man!

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Nicole December 7, 2010 at 10:30 pm

My life isn’t very interesting, I just spent 30-odd years attracted to and observing interesting people. I’ve very recently grown out of befriending crazy people and have started making friends with interesting but sane folks. They don’t make for as good stories, but with a kid I just don’t have time to even observe drama. It’s much calmer this way. (And there’s always the occasional drunken job market candidate to mix things up. Ok, that only happened once. And the murdered tenant thing had nothing to do with me!)

No, have not run into #1, though my dad just donated 11K to his mom (she runs the public library in my home town). My mom occasionally keeps me updated on his flunkings and so on (it’s a small town). For a while he was managing TGIFridays or Applebees or something. I haven’t actually been back home in almost a decade– my parents always visit us instead. We live in warmer climes.

I love my own nerd (#3!) very very much and am so blessed and lucky that he was patient with me, and that I wasn’t so patient with other folks.
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Everyday Tips December 8, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Oh my gosh, we must be twins because I needy/crazy people are drawn to me like crazy. I then ended up being overly involved in their problems, what a nightmare. I am so glad I am older and keep a distance now.

You need to go to a high school reunion! #1 could be photographer for the night!
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Jacq @ Single Mom Rich Mom December 7, 2010 at 9:49 am

I’d like to hear more about Nicole’s dating adventures in high school… :-) I’ll be patient and wait for the reveal.

Yup, I am WAY more patient than I used to be. Part of that has been due to learning to let go of how I used to demand that things turn out just the way I planned and learning to be way more flexible. Keeping my eye on a goal and not on all the ways to get there has helped, since there will be side-steps, there always are. The gods laugh when (wo)men make plans. ;-)

One thing that helps is to not read blogs written by 20 year olds. :-P

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Nicole December 7, 2010 at 12:38 pm

They’re nowhere near as exciting as Maggie’s adventures. Mine were like: Boy 1, Boy 2, DH.

Then in college (DH and I broke up for Frosh and Sophomore years since we were across the country from each other) it was Loser 1 (1 year… taught me that learning to say no before anything starts is much less painful for the guy), Nice guy that was not for me 2 (a brief flirtation before he started dating my friend who had dumped Loser 1), Loser 3 (who I went on a date with once in a moment of weakness but constantly asked if I was still dating DH for the next two years until I got engaged), Loser 4 (had a crush on both me and my roommate I think at the same time… we did not date, but he did declare his undying devotion after I got engaged), DH. No physical anything with #2-4, so I’m not sure they technically count in this day and age.

Oh there was also a Loser #5 who apparently told everybody that I had sex with him (I did NOT! He was DISGUSTING) but other than a hug that I gave him (admittedly in when I was in my bathrobe, ah college dorms) after he broke up with his girlfriend, I never so much as touched the guy. AND a bunch of my friends BELIEVED HIM!!! I didn’t find out until years later. He also spread nasty untrue rumors about his ex-girlfriend that caused her psychological damage (just like Loser #1 caused psychological damage to third friend of mine who dated him). It hurt more that my friends thought I could have such bad taste and be that desperate than anything else.

In high school I was considered a prude. In college I was considered a wild thing. But my behavior did not change!
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Nicole December 7, 2010 at 5:17 pm

Hm… I sound a bit like a 20 something blogger there myself. Must be channeling my inner 22 year old.
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Kris December 7, 2010 at 10:22 pm

So it is Maggie that lived the wild life?? Oh wait, you are the prude that lives wild?

Isn’t it amazing how many losers are in the world that are so unkind? Rumor spreaders are the worst, and I have never understood why they do it.

Glad you found the right guy in the end. (Did you meet in a bathrobe? :) )

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Nicole December 7, 2010 at 10:36 pm

Maggie was MUCH wilder in high school than I was! Oh the stories I could (but won’t) tell. I just went to a wild high school and a prudish college. She was living with her partner in college, so that could be wild or prudish depending on how you look at it.

The first time I met DH (age 15) he was mooning (fully clothed) about over some girl he had a crush on but wasn’t interested in him. The second time I met him, his friend was throwing me a birthday party. Then his friend kept inviting us out together. By DH’s birthday we were a couple. We ended up being the longest running couple in our high school, though we did not get married first (that would be the guy who eloped with the underage girl) and we didn’t start dating first. These would make good future blog posts. I get so sappy when it comes to DH.

And, if you can’t tell, the semester has made me a bit loopy. I cannot wait for break. Patience! How long will that take?
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Everyday Tips December 8, 2010 at 4:35 pm

So you were high school sweethearts? How nice! Good thing his crush did not return the sentiment!

Break will feel great. My kids get out on the 17th and don’t go back until who knows when!
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Nicole December 8, 2010 at 5:37 pm

Yup! Thank goodness for lesbians!
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Kris December 7, 2010 at 10:18 pm

Jacq, I couldn’t agree more with you on just about everything you said!

I am the ultimate planner. The one thing I have learned is that even the best laid plans get screwed up one way or the other, and you cannot plan for the unexpected. (No matter how hard I try.)

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DoNotWait December 7, 2010 at 9:52 am

I think the one that helped me the most is “will expressing frustration make the situation any better”? And as First Gen said “Don’t allow things that are out of your control to upset you”. I am (was even worse) an impatient kind but try to work on it. Those two really helped me so far. And yes, I am already starting to feel more relaxed and much happier.
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Kris December 7, 2010 at 10:23 pm

It is truly amazing the amount of peace you feel when you just ‘let go’ of the frustration? Sometimes I will be waiting in the pediatrician’s office and think ‘wow, I have been waiting here a long time, and I am not even angry yet’. (In the past, I hit the angry point quite quickly. Probably because I had a really sick kid with me though, and germy waiting rooms creeped me out more then.)

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DoNotWait December 8, 2010 at 9:22 am

Yes it does baby! ;-) The doctor’s office is such a good example! Traffic is another (thank God, I am not stuck in it every day anymore!). I can’t concentrate very good on reading a book somewhere else than my comfort home! But I often bring magazines so I feel more “entertained” by star’s gossips and other light subjects! Instead of hitting the angry button, I even find myself smiling…!
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Money Reasons December 7, 2010 at 10:24 am

My secret weapon for things that I have little patience for is to make lemons into lemonade.

For instance, I love to drive now that I listen to audiobooks in the care (I use to hate to drive with a passion!)

When waiting in a doctor’s/dentist’s office, I make sure to read a book that I’m interested in (I call it me car book, because I always have it in the car, just in case)…

If you are being annoyed, try to think of ways to un-annoy it! It took me years to think outside of the box this way…

Great tips as always!
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Kris December 7, 2010 at 10:25 pm

I still don’t embrace being stuck in traffic by any means, but I can deal with it. I just add more buffer time so that I don’t stress at the thought of being late.

I almost always have a book with me. Sometimes, waiting for something is the only chance I get to read!

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Aloysa December 7, 2010 at 10:27 am

Thank you for posting this! I really needed to read something like your post. Yesterday was a bad day for me – I was overworked, overscheduled, made a few mistakes that I did not want to admit and so on. You got the picture, right? LOL Today is a new day and much better. Thank you for a great and timely post. :-)
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Kris December 7, 2010 at 10:26 pm

Aloysa, your comment made my day! I hope tomorrow works out better for you!

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Squirrelers December 7, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Interesting post, and really good tips.

For me, it’s a matter of asking the question “So what?”. What I mean by that is, I sometimes ask myself that question when I’m frustrated at something or someone, to figure out if it’s really worth getting upset it the first place.

For example, I had an experience 12 years ago where dry cleaners lost a pair of pants I had brought in. They told me they would look for it and call me back. They never did, and the store workers told me I had to call the owner about a refund. So, I did…and never got a response after multiple calls. I was so mad. I wrote a letter, sent via certified mail…no response. By that point, it was the principle of it. I couldn’t stand that they lost my property, then wouldn’t compensate me for it and also wouldn’t even return calls. I was totally right – I thought so then, and I think so now.

Fast forward to a few months ago, when a totally different dry cleaners lost my shirt. I walked out of the store thinking, “Idiots!”. But, I calmed down and asked myself “So What?” So, what’s the big deal if I miss a shirt. What if they don’t call me? Well, all I can reasonably do is A) forget that shirt, B)never go there again, and C) blog about them, D)Report them to the Better Business Bureau, E)Recommend that people don’t go there, if the topic of dry cleaning comes up, then finally F) Move on and forget it. But, don’t get so MAD. Just take action, and then move on. The extra time I could have spent seething at them, I could have spent laughing and having fun with family, or doing something nice for others.

By the way, the recent cleaners did find that shirt anyway:)
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Kris December 7, 2010 at 10:29 pm

I am so glad you gave the ending to the shirt story. At first I thought “so what happened with the shirt? Which option did he pick?”. Then I saw the answer in the last line.

I have tried the ‘will I even remember this incident in a year’ or, ‘will this even matter in a year’. I can usually rationalize it away, but not always. It affects me most if something unfair happens to my kids. Then my claws come out and I can’t force them back in no matter how hard I try!

Thanks for sharing your story.

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Linda December 7, 2010 at 4:05 pm

I knit. I try to always have some simple knitting with me (like a sock…socks are so portable) so I can pull it and work a few rows during unexpected downtime. I sometimes actually look forward to waiting in lines and such because it gives me more time to knit. :-)

Packing knitting in my purse/bag is one of my ways to plan ahead. During those times when I can’t pull out my knitting, I will pull out my iPhone and read an eBook.

There are times when all my best preparation can be thrown for a loop, though, and then I frankly will resort to prescription meds if I need to. I have a history of panic attacks and one of the reasons they happen is when I feel I’m in a completely out of control situation.

I’ve had panic attacks in crowded movie theatres, in really long security lines, and at the office (in a former job). I’ve learned to be much better at judging my resiliency to deal with such situations and will not put myself in them if I am not able to be mentally prepared. However, on my last vacation I was stuck in a way I couldn’t have planned and so I took some prescription klonopin so I could be more calm and not even allow a panic attack to get started. (I still blame myself for not checking in advance the policy of whether knitting needles could be carried on a plane flying from Ecuador to the U.S.).
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Kris December 7, 2010 at 10:36 pm

Panic attacks sound just awful, and I am sure it takes an awful like of time and experience before you know the signs to look for and the triggers. It is great though that you have the knitting as a distraction.

I know with my son, who was prone to major tantrums, preparing him ahead of time of when we were leaving and such made a huge difference to his disposition. As long as he knew what was going to happen, he could handle it. You just couldn’t spring anything on him, that was disaster.

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retirebyforty December 7, 2010 at 5:41 pm

I am still very impatience, but much better than before.
Restless people can try meditation. I never knew 100 breath can take so long until I tried meditation. :)
It’s a good practice to being more patience.

Bringing things to occupy your time helps a lot too like you said.
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Kris December 7, 2010 at 10:38 pm

RB40: I have tried Yoga, which has some meditation time built into it,and I was a miserable failure. I am so bad at turning off my mind. I think I need a sophisticated training program because I cannot learn it on my own. I envy those that can meditate because I am sure it is a really healthy thing to do.

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Lindy Mint December 7, 2010 at 7:56 pm

I’ve always thought I was patient, until I birthed a dawdler of a son. I can tell him we need to get into the car right away or we’ll be late for school, and he’ll stand on the front driveway, literally looking into the sky for two minutes as I keep yelling.

I need to remember that he’s just a dreamy kid, and maybe I need to be organized enough to start going towards the car five minutes earlier, instead of the mad last minute rush it usually is.

But otherwise, yes, being aware that we aren’t in control of everything (even dawdling 6 year olds) is a good method.

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Kris December 7, 2010 at 11:03 pm

Oh I love your son! What a wonderful little image. I used to go for walks with my youngest and we would stop and look at every stick and every caterpillar. I miss those days terribly.

I am guessing this is just part of his core and you will just have to plan around it while he is young. How great to have such a curious child though, even if it will drive you insane. :)

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101 Centavos December 7, 2010 at 8:01 pm

I’ve been trying to emulate my late grandfather in situations needing patience. Raise your hands, palms up, waggle them a bit, while looking upwards with a deep breath Seems to work well when our boys do something exceptionally dumb…
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Kris December 7, 2010 at 11:05 pm

I just tried that while sitting here watching the MSU/Syracuse basketball game and I think my daughter thinks I am crazy now. :) I must say though, I did kind of enjoy it.

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Roshawn @ Watson Inc December 7, 2010 at 8:11 pm

I am more patient now than I used to be. I still pray for more patience though because I think it is such an important character trait. I have been fortunate to learn from people similar to your former GM boss. I have learned that just because things don’t go as planned, that doesn’t mean you didn’t do your best. For example, sometimes you can make things go as planned and miss out on something that is far more important. By staying in the moment as well as planning ahead, you have better odds of being happy.
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Kris December 7, 2010 at 11:07 pm

You raise a good point Shawn. I often worry that I am letting the world down if I am late or whatever. However, if I truly did try my best, then I have to just let go and move on. (I am doing better though and ‘forgiving myself’.)

Staying in the moment is another thing I have worked on. It is a great thing. You notice so much more in life.

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Financial Samurai December 7, 2010 at 11:07 pm

Thanks for the tips! I pray for patience CONSTANTLY! I have a problem of always being meticulous with everything I do and super responsive. If I don’t respond, I feel bad, so i do, which opens up more and more and more questions.

I gotta just shut things off and relax sometimes!
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Kris December 7, 2010 at 11:12 pm

Sam, shutting down is not my forte either. There is just so much going on all around you in life that it can be very hard to just shut down.

Part of the reason I quit working many years ago is because I had a hard time ‘turning off’ my job. I worked part time and exclusively from home, and I worried about who I was letting down by not being available 40 hours a week. So I checked my email constantly and drove myself nuts. I had 3 little kids (3,1.5 and newborn) and I just said ‘forget it’. I just couldn’t manage it. Now the kids are older and I am working part time from home again and managing it well. If it is an emergency, people know my phone number and call if they need something. The laptop stays closed once I am done for the day.

However, I feel awful that I waited until tonight to respond to comments. But, I don’t blog while I work, so they have to wait unfortunately.

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Nicole December 8, 2010 at 8:52 am

You should totally not feel awful about putting off comments. It’s amazing you’re commenting at all given how popular your blog has become. Even procrastinatory folks like me can wait.
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Kris December 8, 2010 at 11:31 am

Thank you Nicole. Keep in mind though, I get a lot of traffic from your site, so I am getting more popular from hanging around you. :)

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DoNotWait December 8, 2010 at 9:18 am

I too had trouble turning off my job. I too had to make big changes in my life in order to feel more relaxed and how could I say… serene. So I feel very concerned by this post as it is exactly what I am trying to go to: a patient an serene person! And please, don’t feel awful for the comments, you manage it so well! I am amazed how you respond here and leave so many comments elsewhere as well. You’re doing a great job!
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Kris December 8, 2010 at 11:33 am

Thank you do not wait! I do love my new ‘sereneness’, although serene to me is probably considered ‘hyper’ to others. But I am happier!

I love replying to comments as I appreciate them so much. It makes me happy to know people read what I wrote and cared enough to respond. So, they at least deserve a response back from me. (Plus, I do love to talk, so replying to comments is like having a conversation to me.)

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Joe Plemon December 8, 2010 at 10:05 am

I suppose I am an anomaly because I am naturally laid back. I look forward to those waits in the doctor’s office which allow me to sit and relax and read a magazine without the nagging feeling that I should be doing something else. Hmmm. Maybe I am not as laid back as I let on.

I do know this: I am way over the top about being on time everywhere I go, so I have trouble with your GM boss’s philosophy. My wife and I go to church in different cars so I won’t get psyched out about being late (the drive is only 5 minutes). Maybe this is something I need to work on…do you think?

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DoNotWait December 8, 2010 at 10:14 am

Definitely have to work on that in my opinion! Sometimes, being in advance or wanting to control it all is a manner to hide your impatience towards others. Just what I am guessing from your comment and other persons I know. Might be wrong also…
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Kris December 8, 2010 at 11:28 am

Joe, I think my boss’s point wasn’t that he was going to disregard other people’s feelings and time. He had just accepted that life’s circumstances sometimes get in the way and he was going to be late once in awhile.

Regarding driving separately to church, well you have to do what makes you feel comfortable I guess. Unless your wife would really like it to be a family event, then you might want to just make sure you guys can leave in plenty of time so that you will be comfortable.

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Joe Plemon December 8, 2010 at 12:03 pm

Kris,
Thanks for clearing up your boss’s point. I read “he didn’t worry about being late to meetings and such anymore” as “inconsiderate”.

As I further reflect on my compulsion to be on time everywhere I go, I realize that, like others, I have mellowed somewhat with time. I still need to be more like your ex boss and realize that when things happen to mess with my schedule, it isn’t the end of the world.

About driving separately to church, my wife and I are both totally fine with it. We both know that this arrangement allows each of us arrive in a good frame of mind and more ready to worship. I also have other responsibilities before church starts that she doesn’t have, so we have different schedules anyway.
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